Saturday, May 26, 2012

One phone call

12 years.

3,000 miles.

An unexpected phone call that changed my life forever.

When I heard the voice on the other end of the line, I knew instantly who it was: The One That Got Away.  The one that I connected with on such an intensely deep level that I was never able to recreate that feeling with anyone else.  Because of several reasons, we couldn't do anything about it at the time of our initial meeting.  Without the other knowing our true feelings, we remained just "cool" friends.

During the day, we worked hard.  But at night... we danced.  It was a place called Maestro's. Our version of Studio 54, minus the sex and cocaine. The music was a blend of Funk and R&B. The band, Sixx Deep, were personal friends. When they were in town, we were there.  It wasn't to drink - we had our inner high's to keep us going - it was to dance.  We became such regulars at Maestro's that we never had to stand in The Line. Upon our arrival, the velvet ropes were opened for us, and we walked right in.  Once everyone in the group had arrived, the dancing began.  We did not leave the dance floor until the music stopped.

Throughout the course of the evening, we may have danced with others, but when The Song came on, he and I searched for each other.  That song was Purple Rain.  It was "our" song.  It was then that we felt the chemistry - a chemistry that neither one of us had felt before, or since, then.  Again, we never spoke a word about it.

Eventually, I left for Ohio, he left for Reno shortly afterwards.  The night before I left California, we spent some time together.  Had either one of us stated our feelings verbally, it would have complicated things immensely.  I had movers coming the next day and a job that I couldn't back out of.  I'd made a commitment and the money had been paid.  He had his commitment in Reno.  We spoke a few times after my move, but eventually lost touch during my first few months in Ohio.  We were both busy with our separate lives, and by then, I had met The Frenchman, and began what was to be 12 years of total chaos in 2 separate relationships. Life went on.

Fast forward to four days ago.  The unexpected call.  After all these years, I knew exactly who it was the moment I heard his voice.  The memories, feelings, everything, came flooding back.  We talked for over an hour.  Later that night, 2 hours.  We didn't want to hang up the phone.  Like the connection would be broken again, forever, if we did.

After those conversations, we realized why it never worked out with anyone else.  They weren't our soul mates. They weren't the loves of our life.  We were not meant to be with them.  Although, those in the past were an important part of my life, for one reason or another, they were all instantly filed away to a dark corner of my mind.  The hurt, pain, betrayal, good times, laughter.  Gone.

We both know This Is It.  We were finally able to, verbally, express those feelings that we couldn't act on so many years ago.  How this will come to fruition will take planning, planning, and more planning.  We live on 2 different coasts.  We both have responsibilities that cannot be immediately put aside to just pick up and move - in either direction.  Once again, it's complicated with us being on opposite coasts.  But, when the time comes, we will make the right decision. Together.

Sometimes, when you tell someone that you want to "take it slow" or "I'm not ready to get involved in a relationship too fast", it's not them.  It's you.  You know that the right one just hasn't come along.  You can say a million times that you're not ready for a relationship, that you want to remain single, that you're not looking - but when The One comes along, those thoughts change completely and you're ready to take on the world together.

And, I'm ready.


Monday, May 21, 2012

Life, love, and moving on.

Hi dolls!

I know, I know!  It's been a while since I've posted, but I'm going to try to get back in to keeping up with my blog, so shush.

Hope you all have started your summer in all kinds of great ways!  I have been going 90-to-nothing the last few months, and it's beginning to take it's toll on me, so I am looking to hit up the beach house pretty soon for a weekend of sun, fun, and debauchery.  I seriously need to work on my tan, because I just bought the cutest shirt from Ella Bleu.

(I bought the one in aqua. Loves it!)

Lots of pageant judging happening lately.  Seems I have one booked almost every weekend, so the travel has been a little crazy.  But, I wouldn't have it any other way.  I do love my life... as crazy/busy as it is. With that said, I do need to cut back on it just a little, as I'd really love to spend some time at Mama's, Daddy's, and with some friends that I've neglected because of all the traveling.

I think I'll be going back to Hollywood, CA this year for the World Championship of Performing Arts.  This is a 10-day event that brings talent from all over the world to compete for the title.  Last year was an amazing experience and I hope to go back this year. **fingers crossed for that one**  As always, it will be televised on live TV.  Plans are in the works for a mini-vacay to San Francisco to see all my CA friends.  I do miss living there.  I've also been invited to work the Mart in Atlanta during Prom Fashion Weekend.  This, I'm very excited about!  Busy, busy, busy!

As with good things, sometimes they come to an end.  Recently, my feelings were severely hurt by the way that someone I cared very deeply for handled something.  I thought I knew who this person was, because they'd never given me a reason to think any different, but, in the end, they proved otherwise. And that makes me sad, because I very much wanted this person to truly be who they'd always presented themselves to me as; a person with integrity who would do what they needed to do in the right, respectable way.  I thought they had that much respect for me.  Turns out, they didn't.  The saddest part?  I lost a friend who was very dear to me.

It seems as though I'm learning lessons left and right this year. But, learning lessons is how life works. You live it, learn it, move forward, and become a better person. Sometimes, you don't get an explanation for "why" or "what happened", and that's their problem; not yours.  I don't regret that it happened, because I learned a very valuable lesson.  I do regret that the ending of a friendship happened the way it did.

Life goes on, and I'm happy - and I'll tell you why in the next blog post.  Here's how I see it:  The people who are meant to be in your life, will be.  Those that aren't are there to teach you lessons.

In other news, I have adopted a dog.  Named her Pippa.  She's a blonde shiz-tzu mix and I am in love with her!  And she hates my cat, Wesley.  About once a month, they have an epic fight.  EPIC.  The fight before last, I came out the victim in that one.  Wesley didn't realize it was my hand that tried to separate them, so he got me.  Blood everywhere. Then, I tried to use my foot to perform the separation, only to draw it back with more scratches.  More blood everywhere.  By the time he'd finished with me, it looked like a murder had just happened between my bedroom and the bathroom.  So this time?  I let them have at it a few minutes before I finally broke it up and took Pippa to the guest bedroom to calm her down.  She does most of the instigating in these fights and I am completely surprised that Wesley hasn't extended the claws.  Except on my hand and foot.  Whatever.

Gotta go!

Sparkles 'n kisses!